Pilipinas kong mahal-America the Beautiful

I’ve been back home to CA now for a week. Yes, this is my home now. Going to the Philippines might have been a time to see places, people and experience new things but it felt like I was there for the first time. After leaving for the US in Oct 15 of 2001 I was finally back in my homeland (or more accurately now, my birth place) on June 7, 2012. Of course the humidity and heat was expected and the famous mosquitoes but even when I was about to leave, nothing was pulling me back- unlike before. Yes, I still have friends whom I care about dearly, but things have changed. I have changed. First, let’s talk about how the Philippines has changed. There’s Trinoma, Greenbelt 1-5, MOA or Mall of Asia, Eastwood, BHS, that place near CCP, Manila Ocean Park, Ace water spa, Wensha and just about all kinds of establishments you can think of. Is it a good thing? Sure, except you’d think that there’s no hardship in the Philippines while you can feel the distress of people in the US. YET, people still think that money grows on trees here. You know, I’d blame how pampered people are there… you eat at a fast food chain, you just leave your stuff. BK, you even get back massage! Some things haven’t changed, the long lines..not in banks now but for ATMs and for taxi rides. The kids have a different view on things. There’s no ChuckECheese, you go to Jollibee and you can’t get lemonade. Instead you have pineapple juice. They also noticed how the nuggets were darker and the spaghetti sauce as well. McDonalds, no chocolate milk for your happy meal. You don’t get your fries and apples too. Landmark, ministop, Cash & Carry now, but of course there’s still Glorietta, Shang-ri La and SM. Of course I remember the security checking of the bags upon entering the malls which was the case already before I left. And to think that people here in the US are complaining about security measures at the airport! Don’t get me started about our flight back. It was providential that we had someone accompany us but my goodness, are there just too many people in the Philippines that they need to make all these other jobs? There’s always someone trying to help you back-up your car. Get your hair done, you’re even offered coffee. Laundromats? No, it’s hand washed by someone. There’s rice every meal add to that pizza and fries from time to time and you get fattened like I did. Wish that were the case for my daughter. But hey, her cousins who are in the Philippines are bigger than her but I’m not complaining. As long as she’s not getting sick. It’s funny how you hear people in distress about their situation but find out they are eating out all the time, getting massages, spa treatment, and all the luxuries of life. I’m just appalled by people who feel entitled to things yet fail to face their responsibilities head on. Sure you can say all the best lines about loving and being there but face the facts! Take responsibility. I feel like the Philippines will experience the same crisis later on with the spending habits created by the use of credit cards. But for all the good that change has made there are all the sad realities that are just as true in the Philippines. Relatives don’t know each other anymore, family members don’t talk to each other, fathers abandoning their kids, and of course musicians struggling for their place. Let me just insert a line about music: It’s hard to compete with flowers, food, and clothing but take out the music in any occasion or an establishment (that has music added to the ambiance of a place) then...poof! Your place is dead. And really, at times I felt like I was dead in the Philippines. You know the kind where you wake-up and experience all these beautiful or icky things but it’s because you’re already elsewhere. Dreamlike. Now, I’m back to reality. Yes, I am facing serious challenges but it is still beautiful here in America. I love that I can do my own laundry, figure out what to feed the kids(well i still have my aunt around to help with that), how to get them enrolled in school with all the paperwork needed to get qualified, clean, organize, and all that. Try to work at the same time, spend some time with friends, play music, sing and write. But with all the things I can do, bills need to get paid and that’s mostly the deciding factor in life now. I’ve changed quite a bit. Not because I’ve had my hair done and gotten a tan from all the swimming, but because now, I’ve learned to let go. At least I’d like to think that I have indeed learned to do that. No longer do I wish to keep relationships the way things are. I’ve changed so much that I’m the kind of person now who doesn’t care if I don’t see someone, even one who used to be a very close friend. You don’t want to see me, I don’t want to see you. It’s as simple as that. You learn how to survive not only in terms of money but in how you deal with heart matters. “I’ve got enough on my plate to deal with.” And “It’s clear how your life and my life does not revolve around the same universe.” So, “cest la vie,” as kuya would say. As for the title of this piece. If you don’t understand tagalog “mahal” could mean love but it also means expensive. Double meanings, double speak. Just as it is still true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My America might be beautiful even to you but come and live here, it might not ring true for you when you start trying to get a place to live, a job, and seeking out people. In all my ramblings about the grand vacation and how things are back to reality (though written illusively), my kids remind me of how the little things in life matter. They bring all the beauty in life wherever we are. And with that, I conclude by quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson: "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."